Acts 23:11 The following night the Lord stood near Paul and said, “Take courage! As you have testified about me in Jerusalem, so you must also testify in Rome.”
Terrific. So now I have to go to Rome too?
I read thru what happened to Paul when he got to Jerusalem in today’s devotional. He spoke what the Lord laid on his heart. He was obedient, and what did he get in return? He almost got torn to bits by an angry mob (shouting “Rid the earth of him. He is not fit to live”), got arrested, almost flogged and then punched in the face by the religious leaders (literally punched in the face). And then the Lord tells him he gets to do it all again in Rome, where the jail-keeper is getting ready to ship him off to.
I’m not going to lie. I feel like I did my Jerusalem tonight. I don’t want to do Rome. Continue reading →
Acts 20:22 And now, compelled by the Spirit, I am going to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there.
Sometimes God asks us to do things that are uncomfortable. Things we really don’t want to do. I’m facing a “Jerusalem” of my own. I know I’m supposed to go there. I know the Lord has compelled me to take the journey, but I do not know what will happen once I get there. I anticipate hardship, tears, pain and hurt. Not quite the prison hardships Paul was facing on his journey to Jerusalem, but I know it really isn’t something to look forward to. This isn’t a vacation in Hawaii kind of trip. Actually, I really want to chicken out. In my own strength, I know I cannot be faithful in the task at hand. But I also have the knowledge that God will be there to carry me through any task he sets before me. That if I just trust in him to give me the wisdom and strength I need, I’m going to be just fine.
So, I’m going. I’ll be covering myself in prayer before I leave, along the journey, and during the visit. All I can do is rest in God’s peace that I know I’m doing what he’s asked of me. Because no matter how hard the path, if it’s the one the Lord has asked me to walk, it is right. As much as I want to take the “easy way out” – I know following my own desires is not going to solve anything. My own way isn’t going to do the work God has in store for my heart and others as well. So, I’m willing to go. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I know the Lord is sending me there. For now, that’s what I’m holding on to.
Acts 15:10-11 10Now then, why do you try to test God by putting on the necks of the disciples a yoke that neither we nor our fathers have been able to bear? 11No! We believe it is through the grace of our Lord Jesus that we are saved, just as they are.”
Ever notice the instructions on your shampoo bottle? Yeah, me neither really. We’re so familiar with how to wash our hair, we never need to look at the directions. I just checked three different brands of shampoo (I’m a couponer…I have a stockpile) – all of them say some version of the following: Apply to wet hair and work into a lather. Rinse. Repeat if necessary. This was a particularly funny set of directions I found:
I think God is in the “repeat if necessary” portion of directing my life. He keeps slamming home the point that it is thru Jesus that I’m anything at all. That there’s nothing so great and wonderful about me to set me apart from anyone else. That all I’ve got is His grace and love. And that is more than enough.
Today’s reading included this passage from Acts where Peter is once again defending those who’ve come to a belief in Jesus who are not Jews. The churchy people of the day were insisting that new Christians follow the old laws of Moses – including (yipes!) circumcision. I think it’s pretty obvious why the men folk weren’t too excited about signing up for THAT. Peter gets up and makes a little speech where he basically says “Back up churchy people! God knows what’s in their hearts. He has already chosen them. They’re all cool with the big dude – and they don’t have to go under the knife or prove themselves by following a bunch of rules. I mean really guys, WE haven’t been able to obey all these rules either…that’s why we needed Jesus. You do realize all of US needed Him too, right?” Yeah. Welcome to the New Tonya Translation of the Bible. Totally paraphrased. Read the chapter yourself in a “real” version if you think I took too many liberties here.
The point I’m taking away from all this is the same one (rinse and repeat if necessary) God has been showing me for a couple of weeks now. It’s not about rules. It’s about the heart. It’s not about me being better or worse than anyone else. It is about all of us needing the same savior. Nothing we have done or will do can make us any more or less loved by God. I don’t have to prove anything. I don’t have to tow the line or make sure all my t’s are crossed and my i’s are dotted. It is simply accepting that I’m dirty, just like everyone else. There is no amount of life scrubbing I can do to make myself worthy of what God offers me freely. He stands with the shampoo bottle in hand, ready to lather my mess again until I finally get the point. Just like I cannot keep my hair perfectly clean, free from oil, dirt, dead skin etc – I cannot live a clean enough life to not need Jesus. Thankfully, God has a big bottle of shampoo, as long as I continue to recognize my need for Him (aka, realize my hair still isn’t clean), He’s there to give me another rinse and repeat.
Acts 11:17 “So if God gave them the same gift as he gave us, who believed in the Lord Jesus Christ, who was I to think that I could oppose God?”
Man. God is so amazing. I know that. Sometimes it just bowls be over though. Last week I felt totally convicted and spoken to by 1 Corinthians 12. The whole chapter. I did a blog on a particular scripture from it, but really – the whole chapter just jumped off the page at me. I read it several times because it was just such good stuff. Last night at small group, the passage of scripture we had for our “assigned” group reading was 1 Corinthians 12. What?!! Yeah. How cool is that.
Today’s devotional reading from Acts 11 gave me just another layer of what God has been talking to me about for the last week. Peter is dealing with the coming together of two groups of people (Jews and Gentiles) that, in his culture, absolutely were not to have anything to do with each other. Gentiles were considered unclean. In Acts 10:28 Peter actually talks about it being against the law for him to associate in any way with a Gentile. He had some major hurdles to overcome – but he believed what God was showing him, that he shouldn’t be calling anyone impure or unclean. That the Lord’s gift of salvation and forgiveness was for everyone…not just the chosen few.
I think sometimes in life we insulate ourselves inside our own little christian world. We don’t want to get dirty. So we don’t associate with people who have a little mud on their jeans. Even for those inside the body of believers, we have classifications. There are those who don’t drink, don’t swear, don’t watch certain kinds of movies or listen to particular varieties of music. We have the “good christians” who are regular church attenders, the tithers, the prayer warriors etc. I think there’s always the danger of thinking somehow you’re better than others. Don’t have as many issues, problems or struggles. That in some way, your behavior means God didn’t have to save you quite as much as the next guy. Really we’re all fooling ourselves if we compare our “bad stuff” with someone else’s. Bottom line, we’re all complete failures in need of a savior.
Like God showed me last week in 1 Corinthians, and again today in Acts, who am I to say I don’t need another member of the body? Who am I to disparage those God has called me to be connected to? I’m nothing. Nothing without the saving grace of Jesus. Just like you. I have no claim to being more pure than you. Because underneath the outter layer I keep clean and tidy for everyone else to see, God sees the yuck, mire, goopy mess that is my heart. He knows my thoughts. The ones I wouldn’t want to share with anyone else. The harbored resentment, the ill wishes, the parts of me that are very vindictive and spiteful sometimes. Parts of me I don’t want to admit exist, not even to myself. So what right do I have to distance myself from another goopy, messy, yucky human? None. Zero.
Like Peter asks, “Who am I to oppose God?”. The Lord has given me relationships. He has put me in the world. Being a Christian doesn’t somehow exempt me from having to deal with all the yuck. Thankfully, God didn’t leave me here to figure it out on my own. He gave me the Holy Spirit as a guide. When the going gets rough, the road gets muddy and I’m getting dirty, I’m thankful the Lord is always there with a clean towel. So let’s dive in and yucky it up.
1 Corinthians 12:20-22 & 26 But now indeed there are many members, yet one body. 21 And the eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you”; nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.” 22 No, much rather, those members of the body which seem to be weaker are necessary.26 And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; or if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it.
Two weeks ago, I injured my pinky toe. Badly. I was thrown from a mechanical bull and very gracefully landed wrong on my foot, smashing my baby toe against some concrete. Yeah, I know – I live an amazingly exciting life to have an injury like that. Not as great as this story from Seinfeld (a classic), but pretty good for me. Sorry, you’ll have to click on play and then on to youtube, cause the embeding is disabled for this clip.
Anyway, my foot was horrifically bruised for about a week, too swollen to put into any kind of shoe for 5 solid days and has been causing me pain with every step for almost two weeks now. Actually, it was getting better, un-swollen, almost all the bruising gone when I kicked it hard against the corner of my parents couch leg a couple of days ago. Today it’s pretty much just as bad as the day after the bull incident.
It’s really amazing to me how God can use even a mechanical bull to demonstrate His point to me. Are you ready for the connection?
As I was limping around today, I remembered a passage about the body suffering if any part of it suffers. I couldn’t remember where it was located, but thankfully, I live in the era of Bible Gateway and it only took me a few seconds to find it. Bam. 1 Corinthians 12. The whole chapter is amazing and perfect for the a relationship situation I’m currently struggling with. Apparently I don’t listen properly to God because He always seems to need to use an object lesson to drive home the point to me. I guess I’m just thick-headed. Really Lord, next time can you find a different avenue to ingrain your idea into me? There’s got to be an easier way than to pick on my poor little toe.
So here goes my epiphany. My whole body is suffering because of a one-and-a-half inch piece of skin, bone and muscle. My baby toe seems totally unnecessary most of the time. I’m sure I could stand, walk, run etc without it. And yet, the pain radiating from that little nub is causing me to walk differently, which is making my knees and hips kind of ache. I tried running on it the one day it started to feel better and woke up the next morning in spasms of muscular soreness because my stride was all messed up from favoring that toe for three miles. Pretty much the smallest, least important part of my body is causing the rest of it to suffer.
It’s the same with relationships. Especially family. Super especially the family of Christ. We’re all a part of the same body. This chapter in Corinthians could not make that any plainer. We need all the parts to make it work, this chapter says there should be no division in this body of believers, that we all should show care and concern for each other. If the pinkie toe in my relationships with others is bruised – it’s going to affect more than just the toe next to it. It’s going to impact the foot, the ankle, leg, hip, back etc. There is no part of my body that has been spared the discomfort caused by my silly little toe. Likewise, to believe our relationships are some kind of vacuum, that they are individualistic and don’t impact others just makes no rational sense. Nor is that what God’s word says.
The other thing I found fascinating when reading this passage is that chapter 12 is the lead-in to the famous 13th chapter of 1 Corinthians. You know, the one about love that gets quoted at weddings every single day. Reading both chapters together made me realize something. I wouldn’t look at my hand and say, “I love you so much, but I really wish you were an eye in the back of my head. You would be so much cooler then.” Before I can get to the business of love in chapter 13, I need to realize the perfection and beauty in each member of the body. How can I love others if I’m wishing they were all mouths like me? What good would it do if every part of your body was an ear? If I’m not accepted for the part of the body that I fill, the whole body suffers. If we spend our time as Christians picking apart the foot for not being an elbow, we’ll be hard pressed to get anywhere. Get it? Cause the elbow is hard…and feet take you places? Yeah, ok. I’m not funny.
For the next few days, or until my pinkie toe stops being painful and swollen, I’m going to remember this lesson with every step I take. When one member of the body suffers, we all suffer with it. The relationship of mine that is wounded is bleeding that pain over lots of other relationships as well. The ramifications of my toe are far-reaching. Even after the toe is better, I’ll probably still be dealing with whatever I’ve done to my hips by walking wonkey for two weeks. So, unless I focus on the multiple effects of a single relationship, none of the other members of the body will be able to rejoice with me at the healing. Because they’ll all still be suffering.
God, help me to see the unique way my relationships fit together to form one body in you. Be with me as I struggle to right any wrongs I’ve committed that have led to my relational broken toe. Bolster my conviction to rely on your word as my backbone, rather than rationalizing my own hurt feelings. Amen.
2 Corinthians 4:16-17 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
These verses today reinforced for me something I heard in my church service on Sunday. Here’s what I wrote in my notes: “When we take anger and turn it inward, it becomes depression. When we take anger and turn it outward, it becomes gossip. When we take anger and turn it downward (start listening to the lies of Satan), it becomes oppression. Only when we take our anger and turn it upward does it find the appropriate vent, and we are able to move on.” Sometimes, we have a right to be hurt. We have a valid reason to be angry. It’s what we do with those emotions that determine the lasting effect of them on our lives. Anger resolved improperly only becomes a bigger problem. We vent to other people and turn into gossips. We harbor resentment and it eats us alive. But the process of allowing anger to exist in a healthy way is hard – because it requires us to turn our emotions over to the Lord. Continue reading →
Zephaniah 3:17 The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.
I love people. Some of the most fulfilled moments in my life are when I really connect with another human being. That’s probably why it hurts me so much when I feel disliked, judged, misunderstood or outright lied about. Pretty much, I want to be liked by everyone. When it is wholly apparent that someone seems to loathe me, especially when it seems to be for reasons I can neither control nor change, it’s possibly the deepest wound I can bear. It hurts me beyond measure when someone’s aversion to me affects those I love. I really don’t know how to handle it.
You can probably tell, I’m struggling with a personal relationship right now. But you know what? God is faithful. I am not an early bird, but this morning, I awoke at 5 o’clock and couldn’t get back to sleep. I had a rough afternoon yesterday, discovering a duplicity that shocked me, and wrestled with my own emotions for hours before sleep finally came. The battle continued as soon as my eyes opened this morning. I tried to work it off at the gym, but still felt unsettled when I got home. I should have known to go to God first. This verse in Zephaniah (a book I don’t think I’ve ever read before) was like a soothing balm to my soul. As I re-read the verse, God’s love overwhelmed human hatred. I remembered that it really doesn’t matter what someone else thinks. It’s not important. I am precious to the Lord. He delights in me. What an amazing thought! Not just that He knows who I am, or that He occasionally checks in on how I’m doing. He delights in me. This same word (suws) is used in Isaiah 62 to describe a groom delighting in his bride. That’s how highly God thinks of me. Wow.
So really, how can I let the resentments and judgements of one little person affect me if I know I’m all good with God? Later in this passage (vs 19) God talks about dealing with those who oppress me – giving praise and honor where I’ve been put to shame. I am a fixer. It’s what I do. If something is wrong, I want to talk about it – out in the open and deal with it. But sometimes, that just adds fuel to a situation that’s being manipulated already. I need to rest in the knowledge that God has my back. I don’t need to prove my worth, argue my convictions or convince anyone to like me. I just need to respond in love, not allowing anger over the hurt to take hold, realizing that the only One who matters is already delighted to know me.
Oh Jesus, thank you so much for being with me this morning as I struggle with hurt. Thank you for calming my aching heart with your love and showing me (again) that the situations of life are never outside your command. Help me to hold on to your peace thru all conversations – to cling to your word’s promises and not allow the ugliness of revenge and resentment to seep into my relationships.
Ephesians 6:10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.
“Teaching you would be simple if I negated your free will or overwhelmed you with My Power” – Sarah Young from “Jesus Calling”
I never really thought about it like that before. That God’s classroom of life would be much more simple if He just BOOM – made us understand. Sometimes I feel frustrated with my three-year old. I wish I could just force her to get it. But I can’t. I can’t for the same reason God doesn’t ram His lessons down my throat. We have free will. I have the choice to try to do it on my own. To be self-sufficient and independent are valued traits in our world, but to the Lord, real strength comes when I depend on Him. For everything.
Feeling like I can handle things on my own is really a huge obstacle to overcome. The giftings I’ve been given by my creator often hamper my ability to let go of “control” and let God run my life. When I think I’m navigating life fine on my own is exactly the time I’ve gotten off course. Because if I’m not relying on God to steer me, I’m heading straight for rough waters. I’ve been there before. I know. I’m glad I’ve been given freedom to make my own decisions. But that freedom makes it easy to take off on a power trip of self-indulgence. I need to remember that it takes real strength to move over and let Jesus drive.
Lord, please help me to seek you in the decisions of my life. Show me continually that reliance on Your strength is the only place I find my own. Help me to keep my pride in check and focus on your powerful navigation of my world. Not my own meager back-seat-driving.
Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,who have been called according to his purpose.
Last night I had a total flip out. Completely lost it. I felt like I was going to vomit I was so incredibly upset. I locked myself in the bathroom and sobbed for about 10 minutes. I cannot remember ever doing that before.
Here’s the story:
I’m working on a wedding slide show for my baby sister, who’s getting married in about a month. I went to retrieve some photos from my back-up hard drive, which I purchased specifically to hold the thousands upon thousands of pictures that were clogging up my C drive on my main computer. I’ve been systematically moving my photo files over to the back-up drive and then (after checking to verify they are in fact copied on the back-up), deleting the files off my main computer to free up space. I’m sure you can all guess what’s coming – when I went to pull up the “Windsor 2010” file, which held about 700 photos from our recent all family vacation in Windsor, it wasn’t there. As in, not where I filed it. I didn’t panic until I’d done my customary search thinking I just mis-filed it or hadn’t actually transferred it to the back-up drive yet. But it wasn’t on my C drive either. Wasn’t on any drive I searched. Wasn’t anywhere.
I started to flip out thinking of how on earth I was going to tell my parents and siblings that all those hundreds of photos – including the “formal” family shots we’d taken hours to shoot were gone. Then I hit the wall…the thing that put me over the edge. I realized that somehow the back-up drive had auto refreshed…and had copied exactly what was now showing on my C drive. Which meant that it wasn’t just the Windsor file that was missing…all the photo files I’d deleted from there were now erased from my back-up. Files which included every picture I’d taken of my daughter since she was born 4 years ago. Every. Single. One. Gone. The moments after her birth, Christmases, birthdays, her first smile, first bath, first everything. All of them erased in some horrible factory setting auto-refresh. Continue reading →
Psalm 139:7-10 (NCV)
Where can I go to get away from your Spirit?
Where can I run from you?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there.
If I lie down in the grave, you are there.
If I rise with the sun in the east
and settle in the west beyond the sea,
even there you would guide me.
With your right hand you would hold me.
I spent the day at Seattle’s premiere trauma hospital while my beloved Poppa (grandfather) had surgery to repair his broken neck. He’s been on feeding/breathing tubes and fighting severe infections all week. Drugged to manage his pain – fighting to regain strength enough to even be able to attempt the delicate procedure he had today. It’s been a rough week as just about every day brought some new problem, a fresh difficulty he’d have to overcome. And yet, the past few days I have been utterly overwhelmed by God’s great faithfulness. I barely made it thru worship at church yesterday because I was enveloped by the knowledge that no matter what my circumstances say, God is with me.
My Poppa believes in Jesus as his Savior. That alone is a miracle beyond words for me. This morning, my pastor came to the hospital and prayed with Poppa. And when I looked at him prior to his surgery, I saw pain in his eyes, but also peace. I suppose this scripture could refer to anyplace – “If I go to the ICU at Harborview, you are there” “If I am utterly emotionally spent, even there you would guide me”. Poppa came thru his surgery and is stable this evening. He is such a fighter and I’m so very proud of him. While my day at the hospital was totally draining, it was nothing compared to what Poppa struggled with today.
I went for a run when I came home, trying to clear my mind – dump some of the emotional baggage I’ve been building up in hospital waiting rooms all day. Even as I allowed my tears to flow, cascading as my feet pounded against the pavement – God was with me. As I poured my energy out, His right hand held me up. In my exhaustion from the day, I rested in His comforting Spirit. Running is therapeutic for me, but it’s sure nice to know there’s nowhere I can run that would take me away from God.
Dissonant Symphony 